10 steps on how to avoid/survive a bear attack in Arbury

10 steps on how to avoid/survive a bear attack in Arbury (a small council housing estate on the edge of Cambridge).

1. Never look a bear straight in the eyes as they may take this as a threat. Bears maybe physically strong but they are emotionally weak and may feel that you are judging their manliness.

2. If a bear approaches you in an aggressive manner say "hello" in a soft yet confident voice. Be friendly as most bears are very lonely beasts and hide their deep, sad and desperate loneliness with an outward sign of aggression.

3. You can sometimes distract a bear with beer, cigarettes or an offer of a Lottery scratch card.

4. If you're in a local pub full of bears don't look at their girlfriends.

5. Don't climb a tree to get away from a bear. Most bears in Arbury can't climb trees but many bears will start to gather around the bottom of the tree and start drinking and talking about how big and bad they are. This may not be very dangerous but it is very boring and you may be stuck up the tree for a very long time.

6. Try to avoid sport clothing stores as this where bears buy their track suits.

7. If you see a bear out with its children and the bear is drinking white cider, smoking weed, spiting and swearing in front of them. Do not tut in disgusting manner.

8. Never laugh or comment at a bears mullet haircut, tattoos, fashion sense or small but vicious dogs. Bears value these status symbols more than life its self.

9. Little bears often hang out in front convenience shops. Normally these young bears are quiet passive animals until about 8.30pm when the alcopops take effect.

10. If a bear starts to move in for the attack. Run. Run like the wind. Escape bear country.

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Broken Britian?

The Art of David Richardson

The film on the Art of David Richardson is set to the music by Morcheeba ''down by the sea", used very effectively in the new 2010 Thomas Cook TV Advert featuring footballer Jamie Redknapp and WAG louise Redknapp. The music, down by the sea, by Morcheeba fits the art film perfectly. David Richardson is a Cambridge based Artist, his work often likened to the artist Marc Chagall with his haunting, exuberant, and poetic colourful images. In David Richardson's work one see's the repaeted images of animals on crosses, and strange men with hats, this is not blasphomy, the animals in the cross represent mental illness and the men with hats represent Psychiatry. As the artist has Bipolar disorder one can see 2 distinct 'states' to his work; the dark and the light. The darkness of depression and the light of the mania. In his work the 2 states coexist to become one work in the film itself. Powerful....

More abstracts from Simon Dec

Street Chorus

William Air goes to the Doctors?

The Art of Vicky Mc

Pikies

Cambridge Bench Talk

Ecclesiastical update

Vanity of vanities, mark my words,
Calvin Cline will be the food of worms,
What does Tesco’s gain by toiling after their millions,
A generation of punks come, and a generation of punks goes,
But the earth remains for ever.

Under the sun the human lungs can not be made eternal,
And what is lacking in an unfinished symphony cannot be completed,
It is unhappy business that God has given to the sons of man, to be busy with mobile phone texting,
And it shall also be so, that the convicted on death row will meet the end with an audience of the living,
And then an audience of the here after.

For every thing has a season, and a time for every matter under heaven,
A time for shopping at Asda,
A time to go to the toilet and wipe your arse, and look at what you have wiped,
A time to weep, and a time to laugh,
A time to be oppressed, and a time to fucking kill your oppressors,
A time to work, and a time to take the day off sick with a hangover,
A time to live, and a time to die.

Better is a handful of money than a handful of bees,
Better to be walking in a park, than to be buggered by a gang of hells angels.
Better to swim with dolphins, than to swim with Portuguese man of war,
Better to stroke a cat than to poke a bear,
Better to love God than Fredrick Neiche.

Couldn't get a shotgun

Orgblimation of Reality

Signs of our times

www.baggelboy.com

Simon Dec Abstract

All 6's and 7's

Suffering - Part's 8, 9, 10

8
When confronted by the dilemma of human squalor,
and the inconstancy of natural happiness,
one is steadily made unbearable.
Little flakes of us,
like snowflakes,
settle down into an image of the human ghost.
What’s left?
A corpse, a memory, a devil.
The mother defiled,
the father murdered,
the children slain.
Having been reduced to the savage,
smarting from the eternal admission,
one crosses the threshold of reflection.
In this supple inflection,
in this harmonious recasting
which transfigures the whole grouping of human deformation,
externally and internally,
we can not fail to find precious confirmation
of what we had already guessed.
That a Cosmic sickness pervades every human head,
every foetus and flower,
and that the apocalyptic horse has become Pope.

9
The social id masturbates its ego
and ejaculates
a darkened history of the black arts and animal sex.
The mad ape looks into the wounds of the Christ crucified,
only to find that in His victory,
the Father was not who we thought He was.
The unfinished transgression
cancelled the subscription to the ape resurrection
killing the quantum cat in a cosmic car accident.
Human evaporation, through Christ’s Trinity
finds itself in His holy urine,
cycling in the eyes of St John,
narcissistically in the water of which,
fell in love with the tears in the eyes of Christ.
The horror seen in his eyes
is in the continuous fall down a black hole
giving a fairytale meaning of torture and starvation,
past Auschwitz and ground zero,
past famine and chain stoking
and in a grandmothers incontinence
as her arse is wiped
by a gum chewing 19 year old care assistant
wanting to get home
to her beer swilling boyfriend
(Both of whom will die).

10
Like a dance stopped in mid career,
love cut short,
or a flower with its head unluckily snapped off,
human squalor is no sherry party.
To keep the dead completely dead,
to keep the bedroom exactly as the departed left it,
ten bottles of sherry will not suffice.
Did Christ know how much He took away with Him when he left?
In our paper mind all reality is in ruins.
But then of course we know perfectly well
He can not be used as a road,
for all those approaching Him this way
will not be approaching Him at all.
World with out end,
is no more than a chuckle in the darkness.
Cancer, cancer, cancer cries the universe,
pour a cup of tea over your head,
shout cancer and die.
It is incredible how much happiness,
even how much gaiety we have after all hope is gone…….

Whats in the box?

Questions

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NATALIE JOEL

Natalie was beautiful and brilliant all round – and she was very insightful and knowledgeable.

Natalie had many excellent traits – being young, bright and intelligent, kind and also being a good listener.

We will miss her extremely gentle and caring approach.

Natalie also proved herself as an interesting and creative writer…

A few words from Cerys

Roast bodies

Once apon a time

Nice Dress

Does Gordon Brown care

Cow face