Berts nose hairs

bert had nosehairs like you wouldnt believe unless you saw for yourself, they were that bad he had to tape them to his cheeks before he could eat.Now as you can imagine this was very annoying,not to mention downright inconvenient bert finally decided to do somthing about it one day when he was at the barbersand was asked if he would like his beard trimmed,bert knew from experience that this wouldnt work as he had tried this himself. It only made them grow faster, and besides he had to resort to pruning shears,as they were so strong like wire they wereand the barber didnthave any shears in the shop, well he wouldnt would he.The thing was what could he do about them, After seeing his doctor an ear nose and throat specialist,he was finally refered to a harley street specialist, a mr nasal sounds just the person for me bert thought. Whilst waiting for the appointment day to arrive when bert hoped all his problems would be solved, a funny thing started to happen the nosehairs seemed to take on a life of their own, at meal times instead of having to tape them up to his cheeks,they would move aside on their own and remain there untill after he had finished, also when he cleaned his teeth something very awkward before as the heat and steam in the bathroom would make the tape come off. Then one night at the theatrehis nosehairs started to conduct the orcestra,the great pannini invited them onto the rostrum so that the orchestra could follow the movements of the nose hairs more closley.The performance was superb the greatraol pannini wasin tears the applause went on and on, never in the history of the theatre had a performance been known like it, but bert wasnt very happy the nose hairs were just using him. As all the big theatres booked his nose hairs they became ever more popular, and famous they would get top billing the incredible conducters the nose hairs never a mention of bert.They even opened their own bank account, and drove around in limousines, had the best wines, something bert never really had a nose for,they even had a massage before each performance and poor old bert didnt even receive so much as a quick rubdown,as they became ever more popular poor old bert was left in the background. Well one day bert had had enough out late everynight ,and with his nosehairs practising from early morning he wasnt getting any peace at all. Right thats it he said he went to his garden shed and locked himself and his nosehairs in he went to his toolbox and removed a pair of pliers.One by one he pulled the nosehairs out, no matter how much he screamed or how much his eyes watered bert was determined, they had to go.Laying on the floor infront of him now the nosehairs,bert felt like a new man finally he could get his life back. That night the news was full of how the great nosehairs had dissapeared,and how foulplay was suspected, but bert had hidden the evidence they wouldnever point the finger at him ,as after all they didnt even know what he looked like and would surely never recondnise him now. That night bert slept contented, but at 5 am was awakened by a perfect baritone,singing coming from the end of his nose, hair we go again he thought